Listening

My husband and I have a great relationship.  I vent and he lets me.  I know he doesn't listen to everything I'm venting about, but he gets the highlights and offers sane solutions - most of the time.

Recently we have been participating in a marriage Bible study at church and while we don't love the one we are doing, it has its good points.  Last night, while our pastor is on vacation, a church member filled in for him.  Rather than follow the one we are in the middle of, he decided to do a "lesson" from another study, rather than try to follow something he wasn't as familiar with.

The study last night was really geared toward men and was about how to listen to your wife.  One of the things we discussed was how women answer a question/approach a problem with 4 types of responses, beginning with emotional.  It went on to say how men should learn to patiently listen through all 4 responses before deciding what their wife's response is.  My husband was one of the men who thought they listened well - since he has so much practice with me venting.

As we left the church, he asked me how I thought this study compared to the other one we are doing.  I replied, "Well, I think this is a good one too, but ....." at that point he pulled out his phone and started listening to his voice mail.  I stopped talking for about 5 minutes before he realized I had stopped.  He dropped the phone, looked and me and said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"  

One Year Later

One year ago today we lost our friend, Diesel. The pain is easing, mostly being replaced with memories and tributes. There was a car show held in his honor last summer. He would have grinned so big his face would still be hurting. At the end the boys lined up their diesel trucks and “smoked for Diesel.” There was a lot of snow this winter and we all thought about how much Diesel would have loved sliding around in all that frozen stuff. But most of all, we just missed him. We love you, Diesel!

Tile Battles

. 

 .

Well, it's been a long 'battle' with an uncertain outcome, but we finally agreed on bathroom floor tile!  Yeah!!!!

Jerry wanted small tiles and found this "weave" pattern.  He loved it.
I hated it











I wanted marble - in 16-inch squares.













His point was he wanted to create something interesting - a work of art - with the tiles and this could only be done with the smaller tiles.  My point was that it is a fairly small bathroom, with not a lot of open floor space and the little tiles would be too "busy."  He keeps telling me that I get one shot - he's not going to redo this house in 5 or 10 or 20 years, so I don't want anything that I can't change.  Tile is not something that I am willing to tackle by myself.  So my vision was a timeless, classic look of large tiles in a material/pattern that wouldn't get old - marble.  I also want to be able to add rugs; something you can't do if the floor has a focal point (unless you add them around the focal point, which we can't do because the floor is too small).

We went to some home improvement stores and looked at what they had for sale even though we both knew we weren't going to find anything we liked, much less that we could agree on.  We were right.  And we apologize to the couple who were laying their tile pattern out on the floor while we argued over large vs. small.  It was only after we were leaving that we noticed that you were using both of the tiles we were bashing.  I'm sure they will look very nice in your house!

Finally we were able to find a time to go to a real tile store.  We walked in and the first thing we saw was the little stuff.  Glass mosaics, ceramic mosaics, tiny mosaics, and the dreaded basket-weave mosaic.  The back of the store had the larger tiles for me, but it was a long walk.  We came across this - which made me cry.  
However, he did agree that this would be a little "busy" in our bathroom.  (I told you so!)

Just as we were about to give up, we found this.


Yes, I know it's on the wall here, but ours will be on the floor.  We both love the color, the pattern, it has both the small tile for him and the larger tile for me, and it also comes in other sizes that we plan to use on the shower walls.  But most importantly we both agreed instantly.  No arguing, no convincing, as soon as we saw it we knew that was the one.

It was a beautiful moment.

How to Remodel a House - Without Getting a Divorce - Part 1

My husband was 20 when we got married.  Our first house was a "fixer-upper" starter home.  He didn't care what color the walls were - as long as they didn't have wallpaper on them, he didn't care if the kitchen cabinets matched or not, he didn't care if we had curtains or not.

We are now remodeling another house.  I had this house decorated/redone within 5 minutes of finding it. I have spent many years cutting out pictures, searching out products, and creating my lovely vision.  Now I find out he cares.  He.cares.a.lot.  He cares about everything.

We are currently working on the bathroom (because with a working bathroom we can recruit more volunteers to help!).  My dream is all white, very spa-like, with a walk-in shower, and a jetted tub.  Yesterday my husband (or the person who is impersonating him) was looking through one of my decorating books and found "his" dream bathroom.  Yes, white and spa-like. Good, we agree, right?  Nope!  He wants little octagonal floor tiles; I want big, oversized, stone-looking tiles. He wants tile on the walls, I don't.  

Giving up on the tile, we start to talk about the layout (because until you can get the plumbing in, the tile doesn't matter).  We both agree on the walk-in shower.  He want's it to have a curved wall with 7' columns on the ends.   With this design, we can have a room with a shower.  Nothing else will fit.  No problem, he's found me a claw foot, slipper tub that's small enough to fit.  Jets?  Nooo, it doesn't have jets, but you know most people who get jetted tubs never use them.  I.will.  I want a tub and a shower.  No problem, he says, we'll move the door.  (When I want to move a door, it's impossible.)  However, this time, if we move this door it will affect the way the hall looks, since it will be moved to a corner where another, angled, wall is.  No problem, we'll build a shelf over the door to create a larger angled wall - but just over the door.  The door will still fit in the corner.  While this is a good idea and would look really good in a contemporary house, ours is 1800's, slightly Victorian.  After several days hours of 'discussion', we decide to move on to the living room ceiling. 

I guess eventually we will have to get back to the bathroom, but by then I'm sure there will be tons of other issues in the remaining rooms that we are avoiding discussing too.  

But we'll still be married.

How to Remodel a House - Without Getting a Divorce - Preface

We set out a few (6) years ago to remodel a house.  It didn't progress too fast.  We are still in the "getting started" phase.

Our house is an old, two-room schoolhouse that was sold and converted into a private home in the 1940's - and hasn't been touched again, until now.  It has a lot of charm, a tiny bit of modern conveniences - like electricity and plumbing - and it needs a lot of love.  When we started, each room was filled with "stuff" - books, clothes, magazines, dishes, you name it.  Each room also has one electrical outlet. Yes, one.  We have replaced the electric service and cleaned out/cleaned up the house.  

Anyway, things seem to be (finally) moving forward - we now have a septic system!- and work is commencing.  I hope.  I have five years of decorating magazines, accumulated treasures, and plans so I'm ready.  My dear husband, who has heard all of the ideas, but has no interest in the magazines, (and must never know where I have all my treasures stashed!!) now suddenly has ideas of his own. Granted, some of them are based in ideas I've shared, but some are just so outrageous they must be his alone.  

We are both artist at heart, but we don't like the same styles.  We will have disagreements on what to do, how to do it, what to keep, and what to change.  But in the end we both want the same thing...to turn this old, empty house, into our beautiful home.  Stay tuned.

Christmas Food

Cooking is not one of my strong points.  Well, my cooking is ok, I just don't do it.  I really like to cook - if someone else will please plan the meal, go to the grocery, and clean up the kitchen.  I am all in for the cooking.

However, since I don't cook often, when I do have to bring something to a potluck or family dinner, then I have to find something that is simple, fool-proof, and yet make everyone think I spent hours in the kitchen.  An easy solution to that is my new, favorite websites...The Pioneer Woman and her Tasty Kitchen (http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/) site.

On the Pioneer Woman (http://thepioneerwoman.com/) site, Ree blogs about life on the farm (really, big farm), photography, home, homeschooling and food.  Her recipes have the best step by step directions and photos of each step, which makes it so easy to see if I can do this - and if I'm doing it right!  Right now - Hurry!- she is giving away a wonder HP printer, so you can print the recipes and the step by steps.  Just follow this link to see how to enter.  http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/special-offers/2010/11/name-your-favorite-holiday-recipes-and-enter-to-win-a-printer/

The Tasty Kitchen site is interactive.  You can post your recipes there too.  This means that because someone put their name on it and put in on the internet, it must be a good recipe.  So I go there frequently to find something new and unusual.  You can also comment on the recipes so sometimes you can find alternatives to the method in the original recipe.  There is a way to save recipes in your "box" so you have them when you want to come back.

Check out these sites - there are several (like 3) giveaways going on right now.  I'm entering one just by posting this on my blog, but I really, really think you would like these sites.  So, go check them out!

December 7

Sixty-nine years ago today, a sleeping giant was ripped from a peace-time slumber amid bombs, fire, and death.  Much has been written about "...a date which will live in infamy..."   About how it started World War II, how the governments responded, how many ships were destroyed, and about the changes it made to military strategy. It may important for historians to look at the military impact, but I think about another side.  

I think about the lost opportunities.  There were 1,511 men aboard the USS Arizona and 1,177 were killed.  Only 107 were positively identified. That leaves 1,070 men who were never found or were impossible to identify. The average age of the men aboard the USS Arizona was 19.  Boys who never had a chance to be men. Never had a chance to raise a family - never have wives and children of their own.  Careers that would never happen.  Memories that ended way too soon.  Men who would never have a chance to live their life.   

Elmo Howard (right)
1923-1941

I think about the mothers.  My grandmother had two sons at Pearl Harbor.  One she knew was on the USS Arizona. She also knew the other was trying to be transferred to that ship.  Can you imagine the hell that was her life for the next few weeks?  Had she lost one?  Both?  By some miracle had they both survived?   There were no cell phones; there wasn't even a telephone at all in her rural county home.  There was no Internet that she could turn to for the latest information and no television reporter embedded with the latest video reports.  All she had was general radio and newspaper reports.  Until she saw the telegraph man riding his bicycle toward her house.  In what had to be the longest wait ever, she watched him pedal down the road, around the curve, and up the driveway.  She knew he was coming to her house long before he got there and she knew that it wasn't good news he was bringing.  As a mother myself I don't know how she held it together. I don't know how she was able to send her last four sons off to the military in the following years.  

I think about the brothers.  The USS Arizona alone had 38 sets of brothers (4 sets were 3 brothers; the rest were 2 brothers) and one father/son pair aboard. Twenty-three sets of these brothers lost at least one brother.  The father and son pair were both killed.  One mother lost both sons.  One set of brothers were twins; one of these survived, the other did not.  One got to go home; the other never will.  I can't imagine the heart grabbing pain of looking at a burning hulk of metal knowing that part of your family was there.  The undying hope that your brother was one of the survivors.  The guilt that you weren't there beside him to help.  The guilt that you survived when so many others didn't.  The eternal hope of looking everywhere, hoping there had really been some sort of horrible mistake. (My surviving uncle spent the rest of the war looking for his brother at every naval hospital he was near.)

Today we need to remember the sacrifices of the men and also the women, the families, and the friends of those who were there.  We need to remember the survivors, but we most of all we need to remember the ones who didn't survive.  The ones who never had children to remember them.  The ones whose only mark on history is that day.  We need to remember the pain of their families. We need to remember the total surprise at the violence that ripped the peace of that Sunday morning.  The anguish of the following four years. And the emptiness left by those who never came home.